My post

[Morgan]

After I left the meeting I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I felt exposed and I did not know how to deal with the feelings that came along with being so exposed before a body of believers.  I wanted to seek the Lord but I felt so empty and exposed I did not even know where to turn.  Jeremy invited me to come and pray with he and Seth.  I was outwardly angry but inwardly desperate to touch the Lord.  Seth and Jeremy talked with me, prayed with me, sang songs with me for several hours.  I prayed with Jeremy leading at first and then prayed out loud in my own words, when I opened my mouth to the Lord I felt a huge burden being lifted from my heart.  I feel like He heard my prayer and that He accepted it.  We read some scripture together and I felt it was best that I go home and seek the Lord on my own for the rest of the evening.  After I got home I got on my knees and prayed and sang some songs to the Lord.  I was starting to get discouraged and started to feel condemnation and judgement from the Church.  I prayed to the Lord and begged Him that He would not allow the enemy to be present in my thoughts.   I open my Bible right to Psalms 6 and the Scriptures really spoke to me in my condition. 

Psalm 6
Lord, don't rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your rage.
Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak
Heal me Lord, for my bones are in agony. 
I am sick at heart
How long, O Lord until you restore me?
Return, O Lord, and resume me.
Save me because of your unfailing love.
For the dead do not remember you.
Who can praise you from the grave
I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
My vision is blurred by my grief,
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.
Go away, all you who do evil.
for the Lord has heard my weeping. 
The Lord has heard my plea,
The Lord will answer my prayer. 


Then this prayer came to me.

I lay my life down at Your feet, even though I am not worthy of having a presence even with Your feet.  I lay myself down, exposed to the world, You know my sin and the terror in my heart because of my disbelief.  I will seek You in every part of my life, I will open all my darkness to You, and let it be exposed so that You can restore me as only You can. 

I prayed this prayer and read the Psalm over and over and pled with God for my salvation and healing.  I sometimes have a hard time knowing what to say to God or how to talk to Him. I thought it would be good to write down my prayer and repeat it to Him when I don't know what else to say.  It is hard for me to be open to people and even to God, to me love and relationships have always lead to vulnerability, and oftentimes to pain and loss. I know that a life without the Lord means that I will die and live in darkness all of my days. I am desperate for a life with Him. I am willing to be vulnerable to the Lord today, no matter what the cost. I want to be changed by God and transformed.  I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone, and lay all of myself and my life down to the Lord in order to be changed.  As much as it hurts I feel that the Lord had to bring me to this desperate condition for me to find him.  Please don't reject me, I condemn myself so much I can not face any more condemnation than what I already place on my self.  I want to grow, I want to be open, I want to be part of the Body, I want the Lord.   

[JimR]

Morgan,

When I came to the church life 5+ years ago, I was desperate for a change.
As an older man, I just wanted to be a good brother and live in the bosom of the Lord.
In actuality, it was He who brought me to the church life for the honor and privilege of serving Him by serving His Body.

I never could have anticipated what the Lord had in store for me.
When I was young in Him, I was confused - I had trouble seeing Him and knowing Him.
It just takes time to get to know Him - after all He is a person too.

For this reason, try not to think too much.
Rather; Follow Him by submitting yourself to the fellowship of His Body.
This is the best way to experience Him.

Do not be discouraged - be encouraged.
The Lord is the Lord.
He work's all things out according to His way.
For all of us, this is a process of change - of His way becoming our way in His body.
Listen.
You too can be changed - but not in any way you can understand today.
Be patient.
Be restful.
Trust Him.

[Morgan]

Brother Jim,

Thank you for your message and your encouragement in the Lord.

I am confused about what you mean by "submit myself to the fellowship of the Body". 

I am indeed seeking Him, daily - hourly.  What do you mean, specifically by "the fellowship of the Body"? 

Morgan

[Administrator]

Needing the Fellowship in the Body
 
Eph. 4:15 But holding to truth in love, we may grow up into Him in all things, who is the Head, Christ, (16) Out from whom all the Body, being joined together and being knit together through every joint of the rich supply and through the operation in the measure of each one part, causes the growth of the Body unto the building up of itself in love.

 
Those who see the Body will spontaneously see the need of fellowship. They will spontaneously see that they cannot act independently. Fellowship is not a formal acquaintance but a spontaneous issue of the life of the Body. The common notion of fellowship among God's children is to visit a brother or a sister when we are free and chat with them a little. For most people this is fellowship. But fellowship really means a realization that we cannot go on alone, that we need to do everything together, with other members and with the Body as a whole. Although we cannot have all the brothers and sisters in the whole church come together, we can have two or three brothers come together and work according to the principle of the Body. We have to learn the principle of fellowship when we pray. We have to learn to fellowship when we encounter difficulties, and we have to learn to fellowship when we are seeking God's will, when we are not clear about our future, and when we do not understand God's Word.

Fellowship means I cannot pray by myself, that I have to find two or three brothers to deal with a matter together. It means that I do not understand God's will by myself and that I seek to understand it together with two or three brothers. It means that I am confused about my own future and that I seek fellowship and I consider my future together with two or three other brothers and sisters. It means that I do not understand God's Word by myself and that I find two or three brothers to study God's Word together with me. Fellowship is to acknowledge that we are short, that we are inadequate, and that we need the Body. Fellowship is the acknowledgment of our own limitations and of the possibility of making mistakes by ourselves; it is receiving help from those who have spiritual discernment before the Lord. (This does not mean to ask for help only from those who are affectionate towards us.) I cannot go on by myself; I need the help of other brothers and sisters. The Body of Christ is a matter of life, and this life has feelings. This feeling will tell you that without fellowship, you cannot go on.

Watchman Nee

[Administrator]

One of the most important principles of the Body is fellowship--the divine fellowship is actually the reality of living in the Body of Christ.

If we see the Body, we will no longer do things by ourselves and without letting others know; rather, we will fellowship and coordinate with the other members of the Body first, and then do something. In this way, everything we do will be for the Body, in the Body, and for the benefit of the Body.

In everything we need to take care of the Body, consider the Body, honor the Body, and do everything for the building up of the Body. How we need such a view of the Body of Christ that will bring us into such a living!

Being those who fellowship with the Body

Many Christians are sincerely asking the Lord, Lord, why have You not yet returned? You said in Rev. 22:20 that You are coming quickly ? but why do You tarry?

The Bible tells us that before Christ can return He needs to have a built-up church, a built-up Body, a group of corporate people who live in the reality of the Body of Christ.

What is this reality of living in the Body of Christ? It is the divine fellowship ? the fellowship with God and the fellowship with the Body (1 Cor. 1:9; 12:12, 27). The Lord has been frustrated from returning because of the lack of fellowship among the members of the Body.

We as believers in Christ are so individualistic, so independent, so opinionated, and so divisive. It seems that the more someone gets to know about the Lord, the more untamed and unbridled he is, trying to do a lot of things for God in an individualistic way. Nothing seems to control the believers today?

But today we can stop and fellowship! Fellowship restricts us and brings us in oneness. If we don?t fellowship, we are not in reality in the Body. But the thing that makes everything alive and real is the fellowship.

We need to learn to stop before doing things and fellowship with the Body. Fellowship will temper us, hamonize us, and keep us in the oneness of the Body of Christ.

We need the Lord?s mercy that we may see a vision of the Body that will lead us to fellowship with the Body in everything. We may think ?we can do it in ourselves, we don?t need fellowship?, but the Lord desires much fellowship, much traffic, much flow of life, in the Body.

When we open up to the saints we?re coordinating with, we are being tempered, we are adjusted, we are harmonized, and we are mingled more with God and with the Body (1 Cor. 12:24).

This is a learning process we are going through our whole life ? learning not to do anything without fellowship. Stop and fellowship. Before you do something, why not pray and fellowship with the Body?

Always caring for the Body and honoring the Body

When we fellowship in this way, what happens is that we care for the Body, we consider the Body, we honor the Body, and the result is that we will do what is best for the Body (1 Cor. 12:23-27).

In everything we do we need to keep this principle of the Body ? consider how the Body would feel about what we are about to do. So many problems in the church life will be solved if we have such a view of the Body.

Don?t say, The saints are so weak; they don?t understand; I am more spiritual; I don?t know what they will say about this,  etc? ? even though it may seem that ?the Body is weak?, once we have fellowship with the Body and we care for the Body, the Body will be strong!

We need to come back to the truth revealed in the Word of God, deny ourselves, and take care of the proper order in the Body. All the problems in the church throughout the ages are due to this one thing ? not seeing the Body, not knowing the Body, and not caring for the Body.

Even those who are more gifted in the Body need to fellowship and consider the Body. All the members of the Body are for the building up of the Body and for the profit of the Body!

We shouldn?t be self-centered when it comes to spiritual gifts; even in exercising the gifts and in functioning in the Body we need to seek the profit of the Body, the building up of the Body (see Eph. 4:16; 1 Cor. 12:23-27).

God is faithful ? He called us into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord (1 Cor. 1:9). He is faithful to expose us how individualistic we are, how little we are in the fellowship of the Body, and how little we care for the Body.

Even though we think we know how to do things or we think we?re alright, we still need to fellowship with the members of the Body the Lord put around us to coordinate with.

We as members of the Body first have fellowship and coordination with the Head, and then we need to fellowship and coordinate with the other members. This will make us those building and buildable members of the Body who can be built up with anyone, always seeking for fellowship, always in the flow, and always caring for the Body.

[Morgan]

Amen.  Thank you for sharing. 

I must admit, that it has been hard for me to struggle with the idea of fellowship.  As a single mom to four - it is sometimes hard to imagine that an opportunity for true fellowship will happen.  I attend two women's bible studies a week, but it does not feel that we are truly seeking Him. Many weeks it feels like more of a social hour.  But it's an opportunity for time with women who love The Lord, nonetheless.

I am reminded that Abraham was so faithful and did not doubt The Lord and His timing - when e was told that he and Sarah would have a child well beyond their childbearing years.

I trust that The Lord will present an opportunity that is perfect in His own time. 

The Lord has opened my eyes to things that I would have never otherwise seen or understood, as I continue to seek Him daily.  I can only imagine what He has in store for the future.  Our Lord is amazing.  So amazing. 

[Morgan]

Fellowship, how we long for you. Oh how we need you. 

O Lord fulfill our hearts deep longing,
Saints for such fellowship inspire,
That we may realize Thy building
And soon fulfill Thy heart?s desire.