Hi, I am a single sister and belived in the Lord only for about one year. I am 29 years old, I want to find a brother in the Lord as my future husband, but I couldn't find one so far. One of my friends introduced a Gentile boy to me recently, he is only 27 years old. But through the first conversation and a few phone calls, I seemed like him, because I feel he is not a shallow person ( he is an editor working for a local newspaper company) and he looks more mature than me in apperance. He has no good looking, I don't really care about the outward, yet he is the best one I met so far, therefore, I am very struggling and don't know what to do next even I asked the Lord many many times,  my questions are:
1) does the age really matter? Is there anything I should concern about or expecting if we do come together in the future?
2) I haven't told him I am a christian yet, when should I bring this topic up ? I want be honest to him, but I don't know when is the best time, at the begining or after we get to know each other more? he seems very open to me. One thing I am sure, I will not marry him if he does not accept the Lord Jesus.
3) how do I  help him to touch his spirit?

brothers and sisters, please help me and give me some spiritual guideness.
Thank you, very much!

Mary

Dear Mary,

Welcome and thank you for your post.
We will take it sincerely to the Lord and reply to you soon!
May the Lord lead you.

Administrators of the Forum of the church in Toledo

ps,
Please register yourself as a user member here if you feel comfortable!

Sister Mary,

Your questions are:

1) Does the age really matter?

Age, generally speaking, women mature and age faster than men. In a marriage, the man should generally be five, six, or even seven to eight years older than the woman, as far as physical age is concerned. The woman matures five years ahead of the man and ages about ten years faster than he does. This is true as far as physiological development is concerned.
On the other hand, there is the mental development of the human life. Man has an intellectual age. It is possible for a person to be physically matured yet remain intellectually a child. It is possible for him to be old in the body but young in the mind. A man can be in his thirties physically but act as if he were in his twenties mentally. In that sense he is still young. Among Christians, if a brother’s mental maturity exceeds that of a sister, it may not be a matter of concern for the brother to be younger than the sister in age.
The matter lies in whether one pays more attention to the physical age or the mental age. If physical age is the primary concern, it is better for the brother to be older than the sister. If mental age is the primary concern, it is all right for a sister to be older than a brother. This is something we cannot decide for a couple; they have to consider it for themselves. Some pay more attention to the physical aspect and others to the mental aspect. There is no regulation or law as far as age is concerned.

Is there anything I should concern about or expecting if we do come together in the future?

Yes! There are many things you should concern. But it is big subject for us to answer you here briefly. It really depends on your need!
We suggest you to come to meet with us sometime or log in as a user member.
Post a reply under our “ Views and Insights of "church-ing" -- CHOOSING A MATE / FACTORS AFFECTING THE CHOICE OF A MATE” forum.
Saints will help you there!   

2) I haven't told him I am a Christian yet, when should I bring this topic up? I want be honest to him, but I don't know when is the best time, at the beginning or after we get to know each other more? He seems very open to me. One thing I am sure, I will not marry him if he does not accept the Lord Jesus.

Yes, at the beginning. It will leave no room to the preconception and future mistakes in your relationship with him for marriage.

Concerning the matter of marriage, God has laid down definite guidelines on whom one can marry and whom one cannot marry. The Bible shows us clearly that the marriages of God’s people should be restricted to those among themselves only. In other words, if one is to be married, his spouse must be sought from among God’s own people, not from other people.
A. The Old Testament Commandments
There are sufficient commandments in the Old Testament to show us that we should not marry anyone outside of God’s people.
Deuteronomy 7:3-4 says that the Israelites should not marry the Canaanites. They should neither give their daughters to the Canaanites’ sons, nor take their daughters for their sons, because the Canaanites would turn them from following the Lord and would seduce them to serve other gods. God clearly shows through the Old Testament that one should look for a marriage partner among the Lord’s people. One cannot look for a wife or a husband among unbelievers. The greatest problem with going after unbelievers is that the other person may turn one away from the Lord to serve other gods. It is easy for wives to follow their husbands to worship idols. It is also easy for husbands to follow their wives to worship idols. Since both are married, it is very easy for one to follow the other to worship other gods.
Joshua 23:12-13 warns the Israelites against marrying the people of the land. They were warned that the latter would become snares and thorns in their eyes. Their wives or their husbands would become their thorns, and they would be ensnared.
At the time of Nehemiah, the Israelites returned from captivity to the land of Judah. Many had married Gentile wives and could not speak the Hebrew language. Nehemiah charged them in 13:23-27 to sever all ties with the Gentile women and not to have any dealings with them. Here we see a basic problem in marrying a Gentile woman: Sooner or later the children will follow the mother and not follow the father to serve God. If you marry a Gentile, your children will easily follow your Gentile partner and go into the world. This is quite a problem.
Malachi 2:11 shows us that the Israelites committed treacherous sins and profaned the holiness of God because they took Gentiles to be their wives. In God’s sight, marrying a Gentile woman is to profane the holiness of God. Hence, Christians should look for marriage partners only among the believers.
We can also take warnings from the failure of Solomon. Solomon was the wisest king, yet he fell into idolatry through marrying Gentile women.
B. In the New Testament
Paul's word in the New Testament is clear enough. In 1 Corinthians 7:39, he told the widows to marry those who were in the Lord.
Second Corinthians 6:14 is a well-known portion of the Bible. It says that believers and unbelievers should not share the same yoke. These words do not refer to only marriage. But they certainly speak also of marriage. Believers and unbelievers should not be engaged in the same business; they should not join themselves in one goal, like two animals plowing the field with one yoke. God does not allow this. He does not allow a believer and an unbeliever to bear the same yoke. In the Old Testament, an ox and a horse could not be yoked together, and an ass could not be equally yoked with a horse. You cannot have one that is fast and another that is slow. It is impossible to have one going one direction and the other going another direction, or one turning to heaven and the other turning to the world. You cannot have one seeking after spiritual blessings and the other seeking after worldly riches. It is impossible for one to pull in one direction and the other to pull in the other direction. If you do, the yoke will break.
Of all unequally yoked relationships, none is more serious than the marriage relationship. One may be unequally yoked with others in business ventures or in other things. But no yoke is more severe than the marriage yoke. When a believer and an unbeliever share the responsibility of a family together, the result will be nothing but problems. The ideal marriage partner is a brother or a sister. Never choose an unbeliever capriciously. If you pick out an unbeliever carelessly, you will surely encounter problems later. One will be pulling to one side, and the other will be pulling to the other side. One will turn to heaven, and the other will turn to the world. One will seek a heavenly gift, and the other will seek worldly riches. The difference between the two is tremendous. This is why the Bible charges us to marry those in the Lord.

3) How do I help him to touch his spirit?

Your 3rd question shows your concern of his salvation in the Lord.
If this is the case, we suggest you to introduce him to a brother, who is more mature in the Lord in your local church life. You can observe his reaction and growth along the process. That will help you in the Lord very much before the marriage!
Let him pursue the Lord in an unmixed ecology!
 

Your are very welcome to join the church life in Toeldo with us! My sister!
May the Lord bless your marriage.

Administrators of the Forum of the church in Toledo

Praise the Lord sister Mary.

I have a testimony to share with you. When I met my wife I wasn't sure about much of anything. I talked to many brothers about my feelings but nobody could tell me If I should marry her or not. The only help that they could give me was to help me to know my spirit more. The more time I spent in fellowship with them, not necessarily about my marriage, the clearer I was as to the Lord working in my life.

The Lord is alive on the earth in His saints! We need each other to know Him more. I have no answers for you but I know that the Lord does. When I go to the Lord with a question in my heart but allow Him to have room to not answer the question He can show me what He wants to instead of what I want Him to.

Be at peace sister, may the Lord be with your spirit. Your brother in the Lord Jesus, Seth.

We do include the following topic in our Forum:

FACTORS AFFECTING THE CHOICE OF A MATE
A. Natural Attraction
B. Physical Health
C. Heredity
D. Family
E. Age
F. Compatibility in Personality, Goals, and Interests
1. Warm versus Cold
2. Kind versus Harsh
3. Generous versus Stingy
4. Candid versus Cautious
5. Thoughtful versus Impulsive
6. Exact versus Careless in Words
7. Active versus Quiet
8. Clean versus Sloppy
9. Compatibility of Personality Being the Most Important Factor in Maintaining a Good Marriage
10. Not Expecting the Other’s Personality to Change
G. Weaknesses
1. Moral Weaknesses
2. Discovering the Other’s Weaknesses
3. Some Weaknesses Being Unbearable
4. Weaknesses Should Not Be the Same
H. Character
I. Getting Along with Others
J. Being Consecrated

 

Dear sister Mary,

I am very encouraged by you, as a new believer in Christ, have already considered your marriage in the Lord.

Don't be anxious! I believe the Lord has prepared someone specific for you. The more mature you become, the more you are able to discern things. I urge you to consecrate yourself, including your marriage to Him. He is the Lord. He knows what He is doing. May the Lord honor your heart and remember you.

Dear Sister Mary,

I am thankful the Lord led you to our site.
Like Tentmaker I am encouraged that at such a early time in your walk with the Lord Jesus you have the mind and conscience to seek His help in such an important decision. You can already see this is not a choice to be made lightly.

I encourage you to register as a member (there is no obligation to do so). We have posted many things inside this site for you to find timely and insightful help on an ongoing basis. Our hope is to provide all seekers of Christ with Him as their supply.

Seth said it well, "When I go to the Lord with a question in my heart but allow Him to have room to not answer the question He can show me what He wants to instead of what I want Him to."

We are just now discovering for ourselves how much we truly need one another...on a daily basis!
Please consider before the Lord to join with us.
You'll find help in more than the choice of a mate!
Hallelujah!

We are in prayer for you.

Dear brothers and sisters:
Thank you spending your time and heart to fellowship with me, they are very helpful.  I will take all your fellowship to the Lord and may the Lord lead me in my marriage. I know my marriage without the Lord won't be happy in the end. I also fellowshipped my situation with some sisters in the local church, we already started to pray for this boy who came to my life, we pray he can be saved, he can open his spirit and touch this real God, Lord Jesus. If I have time, I will update my love story to your brothers and sisters in the future, I pray my love story not only is the story with a man, but also the love story with my Lord, I want deepen my love relationship with my Lord through my own experince. Please pray for me!

Mary

Sister Mary,

I am glad your response is so proper!
Our first reaction is to take our thoughts, concerns, etc. to the Lord.
He is well able to take care of our every need.
Many times we stop there, but need to go on as you have...with the brothers and sisters with whom the Lord has placed us, for He also speaks through them!
It can only result  in a multiplication of help when many are praying to the Lord instead of one.
We all here hope you will continue to seek Jesus Christ in all your life and living.
And may you also continue to visit us and share with us your experience with Him!