Dear brother,

Last night the some of us were talking. I shared with them that I've finally come to realize and want to admit that sometimes I don't want the Lord. I used to think I always wanted Him but now I see a lot of times I don't. I know why I won't speak in meetings, why I won't function is because I just don't care enough sometimes. I block the flow from coming out because I'm too worried about what will come out - no trust there in the spirit. And sometimes there is just no enjoyment to share. I know it is all self and introspection but to me that sounds like a dead horse anymore. Self self self. This I know but what do I do? The article (iniquity of the ministry) says because all that is within us and ever will be in us is darkness...so we keep our eyes on the Lord. What does this mean!!!?? Well, we shared with each other and we read the Iniquity of the ministry and this paragraph really struck me. It's an objective fact that we are dead to ourselves but we also need to go through that REAL LIVE experience of being dead....being the dead rod laid up for a night (however long that night is). Brother, can you share with me your experience of this. I know you have this experience. Amen.

A saint in the church-life
 


A quote from "The Iniquity of Our ministry"
"You must be as the dead rod laid up before the Lord for a night. For a night, not for ten minutes. Many of us emerge too soon. God lays us up, but we ourselves are only to come out in the morning. Everyone must go through this period of death. It may be for months or it may be for longer, this period of death: gone is our ministry, our spiritual wealth is taken away, everything we once possessed and rejoiced in and knew and experienced is removed, our prayer life is gone, our witness is taken away. All indeed seems to be darkness and death; yet we are in God's hands, lying before Him in the sanctuary. We refuse to look within and examine ourselves to see where we are, as to what is self and what is God, as to what is soul and what is spirit. Because all which is within us is, and ever will be, darkness. So we simply keep our eyes on the Lord. We know that resurrection morn will come, but we keep our hands off ourselves and let the Lord do His perfect work during this whole night of death to everything."


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Dear a saint,
There is a section in Genesis 15:1-21 can express my view on the quote you mentioned.
Maybe it will help you...

"You must be as the dead rod laid up before the Lord for a night."

Abram Experienced a Horror of Great Darkness in the Night
After Abraham divided the cattle and arranged all the sacrifices, "when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him" (vv. 11-12).

When Abraham was in this kind of situation, God came in. Verse 17 says, "And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a torch of fire that passed between those pieces" (v. 18, Heb.). God did not come in a very lovely way but as a smoking furnace and as a flaming torch. A furnace is for refining, and a torch is for enlightening. In the midst of a dark situation God came in to refine and to enlighten.

This happens quite often in the church life. At such a time God will always come in as a furnace to refine us, to burn us out, and also as a torch to enlighten us. People often say of those in the church life, "How can you people have so much light? What light there is among you! How the torch is flaming!"

On the one hand God is burning us and we are suffering; on the other hand He is enlightening us and we are under the light. At such a time, even if we are in a night, we shall be so clear.

It was in this kind of a situation that God passed between the pieces of the sacrifices, and that was the enacting of God's covenant. God made a covenant with Abraham in the way of passing through all of the sacrifices as a smoking furnace and a torch of fire. It was in this way that God confirmed His promise and the vision to Abraham by making a covenant with him for the fulfillment of His eternal purpose.